I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
