a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
