I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize