words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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