You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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