You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
whose parrot is this?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
