Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
