Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
