You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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