you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
