new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
