i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
