$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
