My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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