Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
