just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
