I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
