i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
