cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
