did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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