Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
