dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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