they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
