it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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