The maid of honor just puked.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
