Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
i think my cat just said my name.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
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