Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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