how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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