You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I just found puke in my bra..
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
