I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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