"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Randomize
