so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
