Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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