Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.

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(505): View more from New Mexico

So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?

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(650): View more from California

I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank

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