my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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