My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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