I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
