How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Are we still banned from the library?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
