I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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