It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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