allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
