u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize