If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'm just crazy horny about you
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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