Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
