When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
