my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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