Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
