Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
