Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
