Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
