hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize