Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
