Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
