alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
