so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
