I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
