I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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