I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize