and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
