I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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