it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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