You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
