Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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