i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
