4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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