yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
