I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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