Say something about gay babies.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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