I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize