Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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