I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
