Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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