I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize