Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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