The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
