May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
