Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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