we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
