That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
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