I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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