That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Randomize
