Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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