and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
