The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
